I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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