You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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