He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
