Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
