Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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