Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
