It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
