Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
