If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
