it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
