Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i drank out of a bidet.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
