This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize