I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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