I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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