forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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