After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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