He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
