i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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