I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
