I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
