HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
