I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
