omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
All the doctor said was why
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
