Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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