I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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