was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
