no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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