I seem to have left my pride at pride
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My vagina just recognized that song.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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