great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
