I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Randomize
