I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
