YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
