You're so nebulous sometimes
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
