"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
