at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He kissed a someone with a penis
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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