I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
