Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
