You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
