***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
