Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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