I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
