He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
