I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
