Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
