I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
