so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
