Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i dont even know how to be here
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
