Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
