Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
