I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
