I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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