it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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