The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
