Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
