doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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