oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
