How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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