I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
