i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
