I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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