I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
