I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
