i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
PANTIES FOUND
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