I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
